I had some baked beans left over from yesterday’s...

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I had some baked beans left over from yesterday’s lunch, so today for a sort of breakfast/lunch thing, I decided to throw that on some toast.

Ok that’s it, you stop typing there - it’s done. Another pantless night as a bedroom pedestrian has been documented for your 0 followers to read, another gripping chapter of “my life as a passive virgin” is complete, living the student sharehouse dream, whatever - it’s time to hit “post” and get back to what it was you were doing before a “sort of breakfast/lunch thing” became more important (hint: you’re not wearing any pants). What’s more, you’ve already used the words “leftover” and “baked beans” in the same sentence which is confusing since there’s no such thing as leftover canned baked beans - that’s called “garbage” which you put in the “bin”, not on toast, or in your mouth. Yes, there are starving children in the world and no, it doesn’t help them in any way when you proudly give yourself a humanitarian hand job by saving every fucking skerrick of food you own. Regardless, it’s canned baked beans on toast, we’ve all been there, it sucks, choke back the tears and munch that shit down like the piece of shit you know you are, great - let’s move on.

But no, you’ve let me dig deeper into your infinite dirty clothes basket with one of the most disgusting recipes I’ve ever read. Yuck; oozing melted cheese merging with leftover beans, microwaved toast, paper fucking plate; everything kind of just getting a bit warm until it’s sorta kinda done?

What amazes me more is that your blog is called “Screw Two Minute Noodles” (shortened to one of the ugliest acronyms I’ve ever seen: STMN). I’m assuming by “screw two minute noodles” you’re referring act of metaphorically bending the noodles over and aggressively hate fucking them via the triumph of your own cooking, which is ridiculous, and with recipes like: