Oooh, oooh, what ever will I do if my disgusting skidmark steak encroaches upon my pre-school boiled broccoli? Please bitch, your pseudo-cutesy meal demands are somewhere between “McDonald’s chips dipped in ice-cream” and “tomato sauce on everything” on the fucking embarrassing food habit scale. Do you think this is going to make you look special? Unique? dare I say attractive? All I see here is a very cheap and irritating date that will definitely require a condom.
It’s the pride that people have with ludicrous dietary requirements that gets me. Do you think we are in awe that you just ordered a half strength milk based coffee drink from whatever franchise coffee store you like to go to? Do you even know what the barista does when you do this? Just pulls a shot with a shitty used grind because he/she knows you obviously have no idea about anything.
Same goes with people ordering “double shot” milk based coffee beverages. Oh, you need to stay up all night; an agonizing battle between uploading pictures of yourself on Facebook and some piss easy 1,000 word essay about Wikipedia level existentialism, gotta have your coffee! Coffee coffee coffee! If your heart isn’t fucking exploding in your chest after racking up Ritalin for 3 days straight with a diet of ice-cubes, cigarettes and celery, finished off with half a pack of Xanax and 22 hours of sleep then you haven’t had a study/work bender, believe me.
What’s it all for anyway? If you’re bitching about studying for something, or doing an assignment, or whatever, then you need to ask yourself why you don’t have the balls/womb to tell your parents to get fucked and not study business/economics or pharmacy or whatever it is that makes packing into a train full of sweaty Lynx and Impulse soaked failures more enticing than suicide (the answer is fear by the way). And I think it’s these empty, pedestrian-nothing career paths that create all these self entitled fuckwits; attempting to grapple at some kind of control and meaning via milk based coffee shop beverage orders.